February 6

Aries (March 21-April 19): Avoid people with more than one first name.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): It's sad that you don't even remember the e-mails you sent when you were drunk.

Gemini (May 21-June 21): Your life during football withdrawals is the pits.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): You're like gravity -- always putting people down.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): You should try reading a book upside down, but you'll have a hard time keeping your legs up in the air.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): If God wanted most of us to see the sunrise, He would have scheduled it later in the day.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Nobody believes you when you lie. You're like Bill Gates telling people that his latest upgrade doesn't have any bugs.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): He or she who hesitates is probably right.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Someday you'll look back at everything that is going on, and you'll plow into a parked car.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): No matter how sexy your spouse is, at some point you’re going to have to talk with each other.

If today is your birthday: Time to think about the big things in life. Tonight you'll lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky. You'll think to yourself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?"